A Leap of Faith
by Gray Eyed Fighter
Summary: Allie is faced with the life altering decision of choosing between Noah and Lon. How do you pick to love someone, knowing that no matter what, one of them will be hurt? RR luv ya!


**DISCLAIMER: Don't own it. Don't like it? Don't read it.**

**I have not been writing in the longest time, and I am so so sorry. January and February seem to be the busiest time of the year for me. Not only to I have a great deal of work to do, but I also had to get my applications in for a few leadership conferences, and school things and the like. The applications for Pearson College this summer took far too long to do for my liking.**

**Anyways... I'm really out of practice, so apologies go out in advance if this isn't nearly up to my usual standards. I just saw and read **_The Notebook_**, and I had to write this, but then I fell out of ideas half way.**

**By the way, i have finished my Commonwealth Essay, which is actually a short story (for all my regular readers, that was the reason for the delay in 'A Rider From a Lady'). I was actually nominated to represent my school at the international competition, so that leads me to believe that it was good enough. If any of you want to read it (I need a lot of criticism, I'm editing to send it off again) I would be more than thrilled to send it to you.**

**Song of the Chapter: **_I Got Life _**from the musical 'Hair' (our school recently did an adaptation of it, so i got the songs stuck. Really good, worth watching the movie.**

**peace**

**Alanna**

OoOoOoOoO

In life, there is always a choice to be made, a path to be taken. I don't know how we are meant to make those decisions in this lifetime. How does God want us to live? I never could find out what was truly for me. i always had problems with life and my paths.

Now I sit here, thinking about what could be the most important decision i will take on this earth, and i find myself faced with a dark hole. i cannot tell what lie at the bottom, or how far it goes. I need to take my leap of faith, and hope I don't land on a knife.

I see two different paths for me here. Across the abyss, I see a safe home for me to love and be loved, everything i could ever want, and a war veteran who would die for me. Though ever in front of my feet, there is this gaping chasm, veiled and dark. I cannot see where it may lead me: perhaps to a hell on earth, where i would live in misery for the rest of my days. Or it may lead to a diamond mine, a place to find new treasures in abundance, every day for my life, each jewel more worthy and beautiful than the last.

Alison. I have heard the name called lovingly to me from two different sources, both of which I love. The question i must ask myself tonight is which of those voices I wish to hear call my name for the rest of my waking life.

I can hear them each calling me now, from either end of my mind. I can hear one of them calling me softly, lovingly, as though I am a wayward sheep, waiting to be rescued by him. i know not what to answer him.

From the other side, distant but clear, I can hear my name called roughly by another man, one who I have known and loved for seven long and painful years. I can see his face clearly in my mind, desperate, incomplete, waiting and praying for something, or someone to come to him and make his world complete.

It's odd, how fate is thrown at you regardless of whether or not you're ready for it or not. I don't know if i really should have returned to see him. Maybe if I had just stayed away, stayed with my fiancé, I wouldn't be in this position. I would still be believing that Noah never loved me, that he left me that day in the driveway all those years ago.

Now, because of one choice that I made, I'm faced with the decision of a lifetime. There is no obvious answer for any of this, no matter what my mother happens to tell me.

I'm confused and i feel so alone. I love them both, equally, though in different ways. There is no decision I can make that will not result in heartbreak on one part.

Lon is my fairy tale. He is my knight come to rescue me from the torments of reality. He is the one that sought me out after the war to get me back. He is the one who has been always here for me over the past year. I gave my word, and I don't wish to go back on it. I am not the type who will make a promise and cast it away.

I remember when Lon and I met in the medical tent. I was shocked to hear the man who seemed to be in such pain and torment ask me to go on a date with him. I was even more surprised as he came to find me at college after the war. It seemed to me to be too good to be true. Now that I look back on it, I think that maybe it was too good. I loved him and he loved me, but we never connected on similar ground. Lon treated me as a woman, an inferior. He showered me with gifts, but wouldn't talk to me about important matters. I never saw any of it for what it really was, I was too lost in the story.

Noah is the one who was really there for me. He was my first love, and I can never forget him. He always spoke to me as a friend, an equal. He listened to me, and loved me regardless. We fought all of the time, but could still manage to find each other again in the end. I have never experienced that connection with anyone else I have ever met. Noah is my safety, my love. I feel when I am with him that the sky could fall on us and he would protect me. The world could take in flames and I would not be burned, because he is with me. I cannot explain how this feeling can be real, how I can fall so hard for someone outside of my world.

When I met Noah for the first time, I was resentful. I was no more than a useless girl with a wealthy father, condescending to anyone below my station. How could I have not seen him for what he really was? Why could I not see the heart behind the poor worker? When we saw 'Lil Abner' together, I realised for the first time how truly considerate and devoted to me he was. We walked home, and he showed me things that I would never have imagined seeing or doing. Who could think that simply watching the traffic lights change colours is such a peaceful and comforting thing to do.

I hated him for not writing to me. I wanted so badly to see him one last time. I would have thrown myself at his feet and begged for forgiveness. It was my fault in the first place. I drove him away and I deserved every heartbreak i received.

Now I am confused. I am faced with a life altering decision that will leave one of us devastated. I close my eyes and concentrate. Do I walk around the abyss and never look back? Or to I jump and hope for my diamond mine before it's taken by another.

I've come to a decision. I don't want to make it, I would prefer to walk backwards and come back to my original mistake of leaving Noah. Unfortunately life does not work that way. I can never return, only look back, and wonder what a different path would have led to.

I will take my leap of faith, and I pray that I don't land on a knife.

I choose the abyss.


End file.
